Yin, Yang and the Positivity Challenge

It seems to happen a lot lately.

Perhaps when people speak of yin and yang, this is what they mean. After the windstorms that whipped through my city a while ago, my gratitude level skyrocketed as I looked at my circumstance and realized the my small challenges are minuscule compared to my blessings.

I go over my "gratitudes" every morning, first thing. I mentally thank the universe for all the things I'm blessed by and all the things I am grateful for. Work has been busy but good. My kids have been great. My photography seems to be inspired at times.

And, as if on cue, my wife's negativity kicks in and, at times like now, run at a fever pitch. Yesterday, I told her her that I was going to attend a college fair with my 17 year old who may have a chance to attend an Ivy League school (another blessing).

Her quote was, "Next time you have time for me, let me know..." As I was assuring her that it wouldn't take long and, in fact, how about I take her 17 year old son along so he can check things out, I realized that I was talking to the air. She had hung up on me.

When I spoke to my daughter to get the location of the fair, she said she was tired and was not going to attend, since it wasn't required.

Happy day, I thought. It was going to work out. When I arrived home, she blew her temper with the kids and stormed out of the house.

Wow.

She came in after our 8 year old's bedtime and didn't speak to me the rest of the night. She went out of her way to avoid me, which is difficult because our house isn't that big.

I came home today and asked her what was wrong since she was still acting that way, even though I didn't go.

At that point, she launched into a tirade about how work and my daughter and our son and "everything else" came before her. I went about telling her how I felt and she rebuked me because she said that I was trying to tell her that she was wrong. I maintained that I, like her, was stating my opinion.

Then I asked the question, "What do you want?"

She maintained that I should know what she wants and that if I didn't know, then I was a lost cause. After continuing to ask, she finally said that I should find someone that I'm happy with and spend some time with that person, instead of with her and my family.

To say that I was taken aback is understating the emotion. Negative emotions like despair, depression and rage filled me and, rather than giving life to those emotions, I left the house and drove to the library where I find myself writing this now.

The tears in my eyes were the only physical manifestation of what I felt inside. At this point, I don't know what's going to happen and I can't seem to find my positivity space. Perhaps by blogging this, I can get this out of my system and get back to my goal of being the relentless optimist that I aspire to be.

Just writing that, the fact that I want to be that optimist, could perhaps be the turning point.