Edward Weston, Jeff Curto and Me

I'm sitting in the library with a book about Edward Weston in front of me. For those that don't know, I am a both a photographer and a student of photography and find the subject of both photographers and their photographs fascinating. Every moment I can study someones work drives me to discover the next photographer.

I'm also listening to a podcast on the history of photography by Jeff Curto. He teaches a course at the College of DuPage in Illinois and he's a fascinating listen because you can tell he knows his stuff and remains passionate about it. It was Mr. Curto that put me on to my current fascination with artists from the early to mid twentieth century time period and I am appreciative of it. In fact, during my morning gratitude "vibing," his podcast remains another blessing that I am grateful for.

With a book of Weston's photographs on this table, I am seeing the American West through his eyes and through the essays in the book I am getting clues as to who he was as a person and how his life was incredibly complicated.

There are allusions to his "lover" Charis Wilson as well as a few nudes of her in the sand dunes. The point is not that the book contains a few nude photographs, but rather the passion at which Weston pursued his interests. There will be those who read that Wilson was nude and immediately want the book removed from the library.

However, things like that didn't appear to matter to Weston. He pursued his artist vision, and made his vision a reality. It is a lesson to me as I continue to manifest the events around me. Weston became the photographer he wanted to be because that is what he wanted to be.

At this point, I am not the photographer I want to be because I have let things get in the way. I have blocked my blessing, as it were, by letting it happen and, by letting it happen, attracting more distraction to myself.

The Law of Attraction is very clear on the topic of being distinctive. The Universe will give you what you want, but you must be specific about what you want. The more drilled down on what you are manifesting, the more you get what you want.

For example, I was manifesting the idea of myself being a "good photographer." Does that mean I am a good photographer. It can, but photographer of what? A good photographer of lint in my pocket from my camera phone? If that's the case, how does that serve my real desire? By wanting to be a "good photographer," did the Universe grant that as my gift? Is that what I really wanted? And if not, how was the Universe supposed to know?

You can have your desires, but unless you ask specifically for what you want, how is the Universe ever supposed to give it to you?

Manifesting in the Aftermath

First off, I'm still in the house and with my wife, even after the conversations that led to the last post. The storm passed and the light began to shine through and with a little positive energy and appropriate manifesting, it will stay that way.

Looking over the situation, it is clear that part of the problem is me. I come to that "ah ha" revelation after reading Jeannette Maw's Good Vibe Blog. If her blog is not part of your regular reading, click the link and visit. Ms. Maw is a Law of Attraction life coach and has managed to help me on numerous occasions even though we've never spoken to each other or met. I will say that, at several critical times, her blog posts have an uncanny way of providing me inspiration at a time when I need it most. Read her and you'll see what I mean.

In this post, she went over three Law of Attraction Truths that she resisted and I found myself nodding my head until I said "ah ha" into the air. She writes about acceptance and I have found this to be the easiest truth of the Law of Attraction to forget. There are times that I am so focused on changing a situation that I neglect to accept what's happening. When I "need" to change something, I'm already setting up resistance. When I "needed" for my wife to stop being so negative about me, I did not accept that she was feeling that emotion. I should have embraced my love for her, which is always there. If I don't do that, there is no way I can begin to change the situation.

Another truth she wrote about it the fact that we do this at all times. Every moment sets up the future moment and when I let those negative emotions well up within me, I was holding on to them, therefore setting up further resistance, rather than reacting from my gratitude space. When I let depression, despair and rage fill inside me, even though I didn't let them out into the world, I let them fill up valuable real estate in my mind that I should have been using to feel the deep abiding gratitude that normally encompasses me from inside out. By letting those emotions fill me up, all I was doing was attracting those emotions from my wife. That's the basic Law of Attraction. Like attracts like and what I was doing at that moment was attracting depression, despair and rage from her.

And now that I've been reminded, if I find myself in a similar situation, I'll will concentrate on my gratitude attitude and hopefully get back what I'm putting out. After all, like attracts like.

Yin, Yang and the Positivity Challenge

It seems to happen a lot lately.

Perhaps when people speak of yin and yang, this is what they mean. After the windstorms that whipped through my city a while ago, my gratitude level skyrocketed as I looked at my circumstance and realized the my small challenges are minuscule compared to my blessings.

I go over my "gratitudes" every morning, first thing. I mentally thank the universe for all the things I'm blessed by and all the things I am grateful for. Work has been busy but good. My kids have been great. My photography seems to be inspired at times.

And, as if on cue, my wife's negativity kicks in and, at times like now, run at a fever pitch. Yesterday, I told her her that I was going to attend a college fair with my 17 year old who may have a chance to attend an Ivy League school (another blessing).

Her quote was, "Next time you have time for me, let me know..." As I was assuring her that it wouldn't take long and, in fact, how about I take her 17 year old son along so he can check things out, I realized that I was talking to the air. She had hung up on me.

When I spoke to my daughter to get the location of the fair, she said she was tired and was not going to attend, since it wasn't required.

Happy day, I thought. It was going to work out. When I arrived home, she blew her temper with the kids and stormed out of the house.

Wow.

She came in after our 8 year old's bedtime and didn't speak to me the rest of the night. She went out of her way to avoid me, which is difficult because our house isn't that big.

I came home today and asked her what was wrong since she was still acting that way, even though I didn't go.

At that point, she launched into a tirade about how work and my daughter and our son and "everything else" came before her. I went about telling her how I felt and she rebuked me because she said that I was trying to tell her that she was wrong. I maintained that I, like her, was stating my opinion.

Then I asked the question, "What do you want?"

She maintained that I should know what she wants and that if I didn't know, then I was a lost cause. After continuing to ask, she finally said that I should find someone that I'm happy with and spend some time with that person, instead of with her and my family.

To say that I was taken aback is understating the emotion. Negative emotions like despair, depression and rage filled me and, rather than giving life to those emotions, I left the house and drove to the library where I find myself writing this now.

The tears in my eyes were the only physical manifestation of what I felt inside. At this point, I don't know what's going to happen and I can't seem to find my positivity space. Perhaps by blogging this, I can get this out of my system and get back to my goal of being the relentless optimist that I aspire to be.

Just writing that, the fact that I want to be that optimist, could perhaps be the turning point.

Ballot Casting For Fun and Prophet

My wife and I stood in line at the polls this morning at 5:55am, trying to make sure we were among the first to cast our ballots for the person who we believe will best execute the office of President of the United States. To my shock and surprise, about 150 people had the same idea.

It was everything I could do to keep from bursting into tears as I was overcome with the emotion of the moment. I've been voting since I was 18 and usually at 6am to beat the lines. Today was the first time I had ever seen this kind of participation in the American democracy and it gave me hope that we may be finally shaken out of the complacency that has plagued us for so long. Yes, it took the mess that we find our economy in and the endless war that we're embroiled in to get the public he move, but we have finally moved.

And it seems like everyone wants to do their part to move the nation forward. I spoke with a coffee house owner friend of mine yesterday and he related the story of a young man who registered to vote for the first time during this election cycle. The owner asked if the young man was going to vote and he said that he would if he has the energy. He works long hours of manual labor and would have to cast his ballot early. Then he joked, "if I had a cappuccino, I could make it." So my coffee house owner friend said that he would give him free coffee if he votes. Then that expanded to everyone. If you vote, my friend will give you free coffee. I have also heard other places doing that, or free doughnuts or something that gives the extra push to give people the incentive to vote.

The great part about that is that I went to the coffee house earlier today and everyone was offering to pay for their coffee anyway. They weren't there for a freebie, they were there because they figured they'd be able to talk to fellow voters and discuss the historic enormity of this campaign. If one side wins, we get our first African American president. If the other side wins, we get our first female vice-president. And both candidates are talking about change.

I think that points up the current administrations problems. There has been such an executive branch evacuation of responsibility that the country is currently directionless. We have a president, but we don't have a leader. This happens in our personal lives if we are not focused on gratitude and positivity. If we become complacent, life happens to us instead of us creating our own life. Things are going pretty well for me because I have set aside my time for meditation to quiet my ego. And I am infused with the positive feelings I have from being grateful for the gifts of my life.

And my quest continues to create the best possible life. This election, regardless of outcome, leaves me feeling grateful that more people are engaged and taking an active interest in what happens in their lives. By seeing that, I am convinced we are inching forward to the day we create (borrowing from Eckhart Tolle) our New Earth.